Real Girl
by Youkomon
Summary: A look into the mind of a certain Buffybot in her final moments on earth as she ponders on the things nobody wants or expects a robot to want or understand...


I think I humanised the Buffybot too much which makes her out of character I suppose. Why did I humanise her? Because I wanted too.

This takes place in the sixth season when the mean and downright ugly 'bikers' come and destroy the robot. Hmph. Grease wannabes. So basically this fic catches up with Buffybot in her final moments and takes her peek at her thoughts about people…Willow…Dawn…the other Buffy…people…and of course, Spike…

* * *

It's cold. I can't feel it but my temperature sensor is whirling and it's notifying me that it's cold enough to freeze some of my exposed monitor with dull mechanical clicks. Input to output. Processing information and applying it to everyday routine. Get Dawn to school, learn about human behaviour via Willow, think about Spike, train with Giles, collect Dawn, wonder about Spike, look after everybody, slay evil vampires, ponder about Sp- **_malfunction._**

That happens a lot. I think about Spike and his good looks and it gets overridden by some program Willow's placed inside me. They tell me it's bad to do that anymore. And Spike doesn't like me anymore. I don't why. Everybody communicates information to me with their vocal cords but I never understand. Wish I could. Then maybe I could make everybody happy like I'm supposed to. It's part of my central programming. First I was meant to make Spike happy then I was meant to take of Dawn and continue the Slayer's duties because the other me went away…

_Dawn…Dawn is my sister…I must protect my sister…I must be good so that no one takes her away…_

Willow's program again. When she repaired me she delegated a lot of new information into my systems. Which is useful and practical. I like being helpful and Willow knows everything. She always knows how to mend me when I'm broken. And I'm broken now. I should go to Willow, I want to go to Willow like my operating system says I should but I can't. I got broken pretty bad. I don't have legs so I can't walk. If I can't walk then how can I reach Willow? Since I can't find a solution I'll have to wait. That's okay. Willow will find me. She always does. Or maybe I can ask the next person who comes along to take me to her. There's not a lot of people around though. Just fire…and burning…destruction…and screaming…

I hope Willow comes and fixes me soon. I've got to stop the screaming. I have to save those people and make the demons go away. Or at least kill them. People depend on me. I'm their saviour, they need me…and I need them…this world is so confusing and I seem to do so many things wrong. At least I think I do. I'm not sure but sometimes I say things and people give me weird looks or they look just as confused as I am. Maybe Willow should put another new program in me so that I can comprehend exactly what everyone is saying.

Willow…where are you? Something's wrong…my data's slowing down…it's going funny…I don't understand what's happening. This isn't right. I have to hurry. I have to protect Dawn before those demons hurt her. What if they already have? No…they can't. I can't fail; if she goes there'll be a void in my programming. I'll be empty. What if I can't protect anyone anymore? What if I fail them all? If they are all gone I won't have a purpose anymore…machines without jobs get scrapped…there won't be any point in continuing if nobody's there…where are they? They aren't …gone are they? They can't be! Spike will take care of them because Spike's big and strong and brave and clever and good an-**_malfunction._**

Maybe they went to see the other me. She did look confused in that tattered, ebony dress and her hair was tangled - nowhere as neat as mine. Maybe Willow needs to fix her. But she's human…this doesn't make any sense! She's gone…but she's here…but I'm supposed to be Buffy now! Besides…her hair wasn't as nice as mine. She should let Dawn play with it like she does with mine. Every Saturday my sister sits next to me and runs her fingers through it. Then she gets out all these sparkly clips and brushes and she styles it and plaits it…she makes me look different each time and it looks funny. She wanted to wash it too…lather it up with some coconut shampoo except the liquid could have damaged my metals engine if it had spilt. So she waved it in front of my central, rubbery sense organ, I believe it's called a nose, and said I didn't know what I was missing. She was right. I can't miss something I never had and I stated this to her quite politely. At once her giggle faded. 

I like it when Dawn's happy because she's so sad most of the times…she looks nicer when she'd smiling. A haunted look sweeps over her face when she is depressed and it makes me feel…feel? I can't feel! What would I know about emotions? I'm not human but I am a fast learner. Maybe I could learn how to feel if someone taught me though…I'll have to ask Willow.

If the other Buffy's back, will she take my place? Will she take Dawn away? No, she can't have her! I need her!

_Dawn's my sister…I must protect my sister…I must be good so no one takes her away…_

If I'm a better Buffy, I can keep my life…if I can be stronger, quicker, smarter and the best slayer she'll let me stay. Dawn will stay. Everyone will stay. Willow will program emotions into me. Spike will like me again. That's why he doesn't look at me…because I'm not good enough! I'll be better if Willow comes and mends me…I promise.

I want my limbs back. I want to know where the other me went. It's getting so hard to form a correlate thought pattern now…I'll just recharge for a moment…

Dawn? Why are you here?

_Dawn…you're my sister Dawn…_

My senses are so jumbled that I'm blurting out everything I'm thinking. I mention the other Buffy and her eyes widen. Did I just lose you Dawn? Does it really matter? I think I'm beyond a few twists of the screwdriver now. I'm supposed to make you happy. Maybe you'll smile more if I let you go. Maybe the real Buffy can help you more than I ever could.

The coldness has finally seeped through my clogs and my motion parts freeze. I see the world at an odd angle, a crazy perspective. Did I do okay? It's only fair I go. I was merely a replacement, a substitute. I see that now. The real Buffy will make things work in a way I never could…or would…

Trainers meet tarmac and I catch a glimpse of her brown hair before she slips through my grasp…and goes off to catch the real sister.

Bye-bye Dawnie. Be happy.

Because I can't feel anything anymore. Because I can't feel happiness. What's it like to be huma-

_Systems failure_


End file.
